p e n g u i n d e v i l

Well, well, well.. Many, many years ago I read The Keep (by F. Paul Wilson) and I liked it quite a bit. Ever since then I’ve wanted to see the movie and today, I finally got my hands on a copy. Now I won’t have to want to see it anymore. While the story and the movie had some potential, in the hands of Michael Mann (yes, he who would go on to bring us Miami Vice) in the director’s chair and behind the screenplay, and under the shadow of early 1980’s special effects… It just doesn’t live up to much of anything.

The Keep is the story of a group of German soldiers who are assigned to a keep in Romania to watch over a pass through the Carpathians. Even with Jürgen Prochnow in command, the villagers are none to pleased to see these fellows roll into town. Even less pleased are the family of hereditary keep keepers who strongly suggest that the soldiers not spend the night in the keep, saying the people who have tried are driven from the place by dreams. Just to make matters worse, the walls of the keep have 108 large crosses embedded in them that the soldiers think are silver and want to pry off of the walls, even after the keep keeper strongly advises against doing so.





Of course, the first night some soldiers who are convinced that the crosses are a sign of treasure hidden somewhere in the keep, under the cover of Tangerine Dream, try prying a cross off the wall. This leads them to the discovery that there is something hidden in the keep, but it certainly isn’t anything I would call treasure. As things start to get fatally bad for the soldiers, Prochnow tries to get the unit reassigned.

Instead of that happening, things get worse. A unit of the S.S. are sent to take over. They are harsh and mean and led by Gabriel Byrne and so the movie still seems like it might turn out alright. Then Byrne ends up bringing in a surprisingly lame and melodramatic performance by Ian McKellen, the terrible effects start and everything settles down to a dry and forgettable film.





It is hard to believe that with Nazi’s, ancient evil, and a Romanian village that this bad is how it would turn out, but it does. And then from there, a sudden, corny and anti-climactic ending wraps it up. The end.



We also watched The Descent again. As this is its 4th appearance in these pages, there isn’t really much to say about it. Admittedly the thrills and chills lose their thrilly chilliness after so many times through, but it is still a great and tense horror film. One that still cannot quash my interest in the idea of spelunking. But enough about me… The women still go down into the big dark cavern. They still encounter things that they wouldn’t want to encounter, their personal relationships still start to fray and it is still very, very dark down there. Oh yeah, and there is still madness on the bloom. In summation: it is one of the best horror movies in many, many years. But be sure to see it with the full British ending instead of the lame hacked-off American one.

For another stop in the (rather limited view) Russ Meyer tour of the sordid side of America, we take a look into the go-go (topless) dancing scene of mid-60’s San Francisco with Mondo Topless. And though the title is fairly accurate, it’s not as exciting a composition as one might think. Starting out in standard Russ Meyer fashion with a few minutes of film montage (this time of San Francisco) and a rather dramatic and titillating narration about the glories and magnitude of the great metropolis that is San Francisco. Once we become aware of the worldly cultural and economic importance of this city, the narrator then whisks us off to North Beach to see the other side of the coin (or is it?). Be prepared as we are entering nearly an hour of “go go girls in and out of their environment”. And while somewhat enjoyable, it is generally a rather boring hour. While go-go dancing itself seems an exciting endeavor, how long can you really come up with the interest in watching little snippets of go-go dancers frolicking around? It seems like a one or two minute scene from and old movie played over and over again. Especially since he seems to follow the rule of “the less interesting that they are to watch the more screen time they get”. In terms of their environment, the focus is really on “outside of their environments” as the lion’s share of the scenes are outdoors (this is Russ Meyer after all) but still, they are seen in all sorts of hokey settings: from the stages of go-go clubs…





to writhing around in the mud…





While a dancer is being shown, we get to hear her expressing “sensitive comments and opinions” (generally regarding dancing) over a background of crazy rock n roll music. The movie focuses on about a dozen dancers, mainly good-old American dancers but there are a few foreign theme dancers who are the most boring segments (seemingly all of that footage is taken from Europe in the Raw) .

Mondo Topless, while certainly a “watch once, if you can manage to sit through the whole thing” film, does have some high points. First off, there is a lengthy segment with Lorna Maitland which, while it mainly consists of footage from her namesake film, does have an interesting and enjoyable commentary from her about getting the role of Lorna and the making of that film and, secondly… There are many, many scenes with the shocking British bombshell Darlene Grey…





Still, it’s not much worth watching the whole thing. Unless you are attempting to watch all of the Russ Meyer films in the Arrow Films collection.