p e n g u i n d e v i l

I try, I swear. This week I had another one of those urges to enjoy the Lord of the Ring trilogy. So I put in the extended version of The Fellowship of the Ring, we watched it and, well, I don’t know. While it looks good and has plenty of action, the boring scenes (any involving the “shire” or the lands of the, phhhft, elves) are too boring! Especially the scenes in the land of Lothlórien! Unbearable! Corny! But aside from Orlando Bloom’s Legolas (who has at least some spring in his step and doesn’t talk in an annoying whisper while being shot with a soft lens), the elves really chaff me. Even Cate Blanchett, who I generally like as an actress, is so moofy and simperingly irritating here, I just.. argh! Where are an orkle of orcs when you need them?

Though those boring scenes do have their highlights. The Shire (minus the hobbits) does look like it would be a nice place to live and I do like Bilbo’s house in the shire… In terms of the elf lands, the “Elrond’s Council” scene in Rivendell can’t help but bring to mind the f’n brilliant Jack Black “giving up of the ring” parody. So it’s got that going for it.

Most of the characters in The Fellowship of the Ring are either dull or irritating, with the exceptions of Gimli, Boromir and the old favorites: the Ring Wraiths. I liked all of them and they enabled me to survive the rest. Though Gimli is sadly almost just comic relief. Trying to make a movie out of this has sapped a lot out of these characters, but the Wraith’s still got it…

For those who don’t know. As told in The Hobbit, a little guy named Bilbo Baggins goes on an adventure and ends up coming back with a ring that makes him invisible. Of course the ring is actually a millenniums old artifact that belonged to (and somewhat contains the spirit of) an evil lord named Sauron. The Lord of the Rings (printed as three books) is the story of Bilbo’s nephew Frodo as he learns about the ring and set off on a journey to attempt the rings destruction. It’s a race against time as the dark lord is strengthening and not only sending out his forces to locate the ring, but also preparing armies to conquer the world! Sadly, Frodo has to basically go to Sauron’s house to destroy the ring and this first part of the story is him setting out, gaining some compatriots in allegiance (a fellowship, I dare say) and heading off towards the land of Mordor. Of course they encounter allies (always those stinky elves), adversaries (The wraiths, orcs, uruk-hai, etc) and betrayal.

All in all it is a good film version. Probably superior to the Bakshi version that I have thought fondly of the last 3 decades and his has a lot of fighting. And I did quite like the Mines of Moria, easily the neatest place that they travel to. The troubles within (aside from my life long dislike of any elf or any portrayal of an elf) are that, well, it is better as a book (I suppose that goes without saying) and most troublesome about the film itself are a lot of the scenes, the screenplay and the music! They have utilized these to add a terrible and unbearable schmaltzy aspect of melodrama to the story that I have a hard time sitting through. The weepy gazes, comic relief, overwrought music turn it from a “serious” fantasy story of good versus evil into another Hollywood epic. Albeit with much more interesting scenery and a more unusual plot then most. But hey, I remember these stories from my teen years and even with all of that, it is fun to watch a lengthy and generally well made version on the screen.

And look, at the far right… It’s Brett!